By: Anthony Cruz
1) Birth: For all of those who didn’t know, Kim Jong Il was a god. He is shown by Soviet records to have been born in 1941 in the Soviet Union while his father was in exile. However, his official biography states that he was born in Korea proper at a military camp on North Korea’s Mt. Paektu. Reportedly, his birth was marked by a double rainbow and a bright star in the sky. The laws of physics and astronomy had conspired to mark the birth of great comrade Kim Jong Il
2) Personal Train: Although Kim was a god, and some even believed he could control the weather, his all-mighty-self had an extreme phobia of flying. Therefore, he traveled in his private armored train when meeting with Chinese and Russian leaders. In fact, Konstantin Pulikovsky, who travelled on board with Kim, reported that the dictator would have live lobster air-lifted to his train every day and eat them with silver chopsticks.
3) Personal Chef: Just like Fidel Castro, Kim had a love for expensive foreign delicacies. His former personal Japanese Chef, Kenji Fujimoto, was sent all over the world to pick up delicacies for the great leader. Some of these delicacies included Iranian caviar, Danish pork, Chinese grapes, and Thai mangos and papayas. Fujimoto said that he was sent on a whim to Tokyo to pick up herb-scented rice cakes. It is also reported that Kim has a 200 person staff dedicated to maintain his health. Fujimoto defected to his native Japan in 2001.
4) Film/Porn: Kim was known to be a film enthusiast. He had a library of 20,000 Hollywood movies. In 1978, Kim arranged for the kidnapping of Sim Sang Ok, a South Korean movie director, while he was in Hong Kong. Kim wished to jumpstart the North Korean film industry. In 2003, it was also reported that Kim possessed a huge and raunchy porn collection.
5) Golfer: Kim was alleged to be a master of golf. In 1994, North Korean media reported that Kim shot 11 holes-in-one, scoring a 38-under-par game. In other words, Tiger Woods has nothing on his highness. In addition to this, it was on Kim’s first attempt.
6) Madeleine Albright/Jimmy Carter: In 2000, Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright presented Kim with a ball signed by Michael Jordan at the conclusion of her visit to the impoverished nation. Kim was said to be an enthusiast of basketball and Jordan. In addition to this visit and undeserving gift, Former President Jimmy Carter sent condolences to North Korea after Kim passed in December 2011. In fact, President Carter wished “every success” to the man that was to take over as dictator.
7) Cult of Personality: In North Korea, Kim Jong Il and his father Kim Il Sung, who passed in 1994, are deified. On Kim’s 60th birthday, there was a nation-wide celebration. Apparently, his vast knowledge on fashion has led him to set world fashion trends. Portraits of the two handsome devils are on display in virtually every family home.
8) Human Rights: North Korea has one of the worst human rights records. There are up to 200,000 political prisoners in camps all over the nation. Conditions have been described as grossly inhumane. In the 1990s, North Korea suffered terrible famine that culminated in the death of 2,000,000 citizens. Meanwhile, Kim instituted a military-first policy regarding rationing. There are virtually no civil liberties, and the media is state controlled.
9) Miscellaneous: Kim was a chain smoker and avid drinker. He was one of Hennessey’s best customers and spent more than $800,000 dollars on the cognac per year. In case he ever needed to escape, Kim had $4,000,000,000 in Luxembourgish banks. Kim also enjoyed strippers, jet skiing, and horseback riding.
Death: Kim died at the age of 70, from what many suspect was a heart attack, while aboard his train near Pyongyang on December 17th, 2011. North Korea went into a mourning period and media video showed thousands of citizens crying and collapsing because their great leader had died. In addition, the Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) reported that as Kim passed away, “Ice cracked on a famous lake, so loud, it seemed to shake the Heavens and the Earth, and a mysterious glow was seen on a revered mountain top.”
Photo Credit: Pan-African News Wire File Photos via Flickr